My wife and at least two of my children apparently have the gene that makes them want to craft and build things. I don’t have this gene and see all crafting as just someone organizing trash that will eventually just be thrown into the trash.
I do love my family and if they can support my room filled with instruments and records and writing journals, I can do my part when it comes to supporting their craftiness—which is usually making a run to the dump every three to six months.
If you are in a particular mood to feel worse about the world and everything in it, I recommend going to your local dump. It’s that bad. And you have no other choice but to realize that you are, in fact, part of the problem.
Now for a non sequitur.
One of the things that I try to do as a writer is work in uncomfortable genres and formats. It’s a good way to knock out bad habits and open up new possibilities. In fiction, I am mainly trying to write novels (with the occasional short story thrown in). To stir things up, I have started trying out screenwriting.
Screenwriting forces me to think hard about dialogue and setting. I can’t explain backstory or interiority. I have to show it in the setting or bring it out in the dialogue. I may never actually write a real screenplay that goes anywhere, but it’s been great practice to force a different way of writing.
A few months ago, after a trip to the dump, I was on a screenwriting bender and wrote a screenplay for a short called “The Dump”. I was back there last week slowly watching my soul die while the nonperishable accumulation of kipple I brought got crushed beneath the ever roaming earth mover and remembered it. Like a craft that no one was really asking for, I thought I’d share the screenwriting with you.
Without further ado, a short screenplay for a short film that will almost certainly never be made:
THE DUMP By: C. C. Kimmel SCENE 1 Man in car driving up to the dump. He whistles and taps on his steering wheel while slowly pulling up to the first station. FIRST ATTENDANT "Pull forward" Man pulls forward and rolls down his window. MAN "Good morning." FIRST ATTENDANT "Any hazardous material?" MAN "No. I, I don't believe so." FIRST ATTENDANT "Personal or Commercial?" MAN "Excuse me?" FIRST ATTENDANT "Is it personal or commercial? Your load?" MAN "Oh! Yes." FIRST ATTENDANT "Yes it's personal? Or Yes it's commercial?" MAN "Yes, it's a bit of both." First attendant pauses before shaking his head, writing something down. He hands the man a piece of paper. FIRST ATTENDANT "Lane 1." The man takes the piece of paper, rolls up his window, and pulls into lane 1. He is still whistling and tapping on his steering wheel. CLERK "Cash or Card?" MAN "Oh I'll be paying cash." CLERK "Just this load?" MAN "I suppose for today. I'm sure there will be more in the future." CLERK "Hand me your paper." The Man hands the clerk his paper and smiles. She takes it, writes something on it and stamps it before handing it back. CLERK "Pull to the stop sign and wait until directed. Next!" (She shouts "Next" to the car behind the man's car) Man pulls up to stop sign, still whistling and tapping on his steering wheel. In the back of the car a long item wrapped in a tarp is visible. The man pulls up beside another car stopped in Lane 2. He smiles and waves. SECOND ATTENDANT "Well, hello sir. How's your day going?" MAN "A lot better now." SECOND ATTENDANT "Well that's always good to hear." (Second attendant looks in the back of the man's car) "So, just the rug?" MAN "The rug?" SECOND ATTENDANT "Yeah, the rug you got wrapped up in that tarp." MAN "Oh. Ha. That's not a rug." SECOND ATTENDANT "Well, what is it?" MAN "Oh, just a body." Second attendant pauses and then starts laughing. SECOND ATTENDANT "Just a body! Ha. You had me for a second. Just a body." Second attendant writes something down on a different sheet of paper and hands it to the man. SECOND ATTENDANT "Well I guess just take your "body" over to Bay 3." MAN "And Bay 3 is?" SECOND ATTENDANT "Just follow that truck." Man follows behind a truck and waits in line. He is whistling and occasionally singing under his breath while looking around. He finally pulls up to the Bay. THIRD ATTENDANT "Papers?" The man gathers up the papers and hands them to the third attendant. She looks through them slowly before handing them back. THIRD ATTENDANT "Once that car leaves, you can take the spot." MAN "Thank you. Um, I had a question about composting." THIRD ATTENDANT "Composting?" MAN "Yes, I mean. I was just wondering if I need to cut biological material into smaller parts for it to be compostable." THIRD ATTENDANT "Um. Well, I guess that wouldn't hurt." MAN "Well, yeah. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt him now." (The man laughs to himself a little) "I just was thinking it might be good if my load was in smaller pieces, for the environment." The third attendant looks around. The other people at the dump are throwing out plastic furniture and waste that won't break down. THIRD ATTENDANT "Sure. It will help the environment to cut it into smaller parts." MAN "Oh good. I brought the tools just in case." THIRD ATTENDANT "You can pull in now." The slot for the man to pull up opens and the third attendant waves him forward. The man backs the car up and gets out of the front seat. He takes a plastic disposable haz mat suit out of the car and puts it on. Camera pulls back to show him doing this while the rest of the cars at the dump just go about their business. Once he is completely covered, he pulls the body wrapped in the tarp out of the back trunk and drags it to the edge of the dump. As he pulls it out, the tarp folds back at one point and the face of a dead body is clearly shown. When the man notices the face showing, he quickly recovers it and then kicks the body hard ten times. A lady next to him has stopped while holding some trash and is just staring at him. The man notices the lady, smiles. MAN "It's a beautiful day." The man proceeds to start up a chain saw. The scene closes with him bringing the chain saw down and a spurt of blood spraying at him.