Story of a song: Russian Dolls

A demo

Songwriting is always a fluid process for me. Because of my schedule, I rarely ever just have the time to sit down and write a song from beginning to end in one sitting, so they usually come in pieces. I’ll have a melody idea and a hook and quickly voice memo it so I don’t forget it. A few days later I might try and add a verse. Another day mess with the key. Add more lyrics. Edit. Change. Abandon all hope that it will ever be a song. And then finally bring it all together.

Part of the impetus for starting this substack was to give you a behind the scenes look into the process of my work as a creative. This isn’t for the polished and ready to present, but the demos and drafts. The things that are still cooking and incubating.

But I’ll admit, it’s hard for me to feel comfortable with it. There is always a vulnerability in sharing something period. When it’s in its raw and unfinished form, it feels like I’m opening a bigger part of myself than I really want to.

With that said, I want to share a song that is done in the sense that it has lyrics, a melody, and a basic structure, but is still in demo form. I don’t yet know what will become of the song, since I’m still figuring out what playing music in front of people looks like as a 38 year old dad with a full time job and a sore back.

Russian Dolls Demo

I wrote this song with really just the first two lines in my head.

I don’t need a reason and you don’t have the right To lay out all my broken pieces on display beneath the lights

I sang it over and over in my head, uncertain what it meant or what it would mean. But it persisted and I just had to figure it out. For me, writing songs is more fiction than memoir. I don’t really want you to know me through my writing. I want you to know yourself, and this song is in line with that thinking.

The idea was a desperate person trying to find love, struggling with the idea of opening up something tender to someone so unknown. Of course, there is a deeper impulse that unveils a fear in my life. Why do I create? Why do I open myself up to the critical eye of others?

But on the surface, it’s a sad love song. (Also very on brand for me, despite the fact that my actual life is one filled with incredible love and security). I don’t want to over explain, so I’ll leave the demo recording, as well as the lyrics, here

for you to discover what it means. You can hear the pages turn and the voice crack, which is how demos go. All that said, please be kind to the quality.

Russian Dolls
by Danger in the Lakes (C.C. Kimmel)

V1:

Can I be alone with you?
Cuz love is a deep, deep well I can't get to
So please let me down real slow
Cuz love is a rope swing and I can't let go

V2:

I don't want to leave tonight
Without the feeling of your hand in mind
Follow me to my room
Cuz love is a late night bar that's closing soon

Chorus:

I don't need a reason and you don't have the right
To lay out all my broken pieces on display beneath the lights
And as you open me like Russian Dolls beside the bed tonight
Be careful with my heart
Be careful with my heart

V3:

Was it just a bad, bad dream
To think I could be something in between?
Cuz I'm either water or oil
And love is a watched pot that will never boil

Chorus:

I don't need a reason and you don't have the right
To lay out all my broken pieces on display beneath the lights
And as you open me like Russian Dolls beside the bed tonight
Be careful with my heart
Be careful with my heart

The Generalist Father

I wanted to let you know that I was interviewed recently on my friend’s podcast, The Generalist Father. We talk about writing, fatherhood, and faith, so if you need an hour and twenty minute distraction, listen in.